I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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