I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Randomize