guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
