see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize