Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
