Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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