Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
