I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
