I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
