I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
