Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
