I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
