We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
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