i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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