There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
