a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
