im drinking this country out of the recession.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
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My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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