I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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