well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
True college students do jello shots in the library
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
