She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
