New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
