At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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