I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
