Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
so let's talk penis.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
