So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
