Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
