I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
No subtext here. People are naked.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
