I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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