I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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