At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
