After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
