i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
barbara walters just said penis...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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