im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
