Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
