2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
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