Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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