she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
