I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Randomize
