So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
