Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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