Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
