Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
