If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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