I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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