p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
