I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
