I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
