i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
