i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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