Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
