do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
