whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
