Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
