I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
