WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
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