i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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