i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
