Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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