K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
