Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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