It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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