She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
