His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
