I saw his package. It spoke to me.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Randomize
