Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Randomize
