Me. At least after what I've been through.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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