All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
