You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
