where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?