he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.