You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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