Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
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that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
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Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.