I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.