Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
